on grief (for Kopi)

It’s been six months tonight since I kissed Kopi's sweet face goodbye. 

I wanted to share a little experience that happened tonight that I give her full credit for:

I hadn’t realized it was the 6 month mark yet today. 

I stopped by the grocery store (something that didn’t make sense to do for a couple reasons but I felt like it) and I ran into a guy I barely know but worked on a project with and lives in my neighborhood. The last time I saw him I was walking Kopi. We started talking about how both of us would just like to retire and do what we wanted.

I said I don’t think many people feel fulfilled by corporate work anymore, we really need to do our own thing.  And then he said ‘if I could just do anything, I’d open a dog hospice.’ Amazing idea. I told him I lost my pup in July… actually 6 months ago today. (Just realized it then.) He said he lost his dog in September.  He talked about how hard the process was and how there is just no support. No one likes to talk about it- they say ’that sucks’ and change the subject.

So right there in the produce section, we got to have this sweet connection over grief and loss and how special these little furry beings are to us.  I didn’t even realize until I was on my way home the beauty of this moment- Kopi knew just what I needed on this night. 

I’m developing a grocery store built on community. I love talking about Kopi and I love connecting from a deeper place.  And I would have been sad to miss this milestone. Thank you, sweet pup.

I spent some time reading what I wrote back then and grieving her tonight.  

An excerpt:

Endless routine walks 

Hated water but impervious to cold winter rain

Her tail an s-curve flag leading the way, knowing the route 

Always thinking she knew the route

If I have learned anything in the last six months, it’s this: grief is a gift, dear ones. I think the reason we use black to represent it is because it’s a mix of all of the colors of the spectrum, all of our emotions, not because it’s the absence of light. It takes your whole heart.  It can be pushed away for a while but wants to move through you and will eventually find a way. It’s not something to be afraid of- it will never give you more than you can handle- this is why it comes in waves.  Everyone is grieving something because we are always transitioning, things are always changing forms.